Cricket - It's a funny old game

Cricket - It's a funny old game

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Beige Archives: Vettori invades Poland

This article first appeared on on the 1st of November 2009.
New Zealand cricket captain, coach and star player Daniel Vettori sent shockwaves throughout the world today when he orchestrated his team’s sudden and comprehensive invasion of Poland. This signals that his lust for power has not been sated by his elevation to every major position in New Zealand cricket.

The invasion was one-sided with the Poles unable to cope with Vettori’s guile and variations in flight. No other member of the New Zealand attack made any significant contribution however.

The invasion comes as a massive public relations disaster for the ICC, who, following last week’s crisis talks with Vettori, had confidently spoken of “peace for our time”. ICC chairman David Morgan was extremely disappointed with the developments saying that it makes the ICC look "weak and foolish", but most commentators agree that they fail to see any difference.

Vettori, or Supreme Generalissimo Vettori as he is now known, has issued a statement saying his one goal is to create a “master-race” of left arm spinners who will take over the world of international cricket. England spinner Monty Panesar is excited by the prospect saying "maybe in a team full of left-arm spinners I've got a chance of getting a game".

Many international leaders have condemned the actions of Supreme Generalissimo Vettori, with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il saying that “no one man should have that much power – it isn’t right”.

In other news, French president Nicolas Sarkozy denies that France has already surrendered.

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